So big!

AJ is growing up so fast! He is crawling EVERYWHERE Maegan can't keep up! Not only is he crawling 3 months earlier than usual but he is also pulling himself up! It's insane! He is getting so big, I'm not sure I like it lol. I went over there today and played with him for a few hours.  He has some teeth coming in on the bottom! He had a lot of fun crawling all over me.

Anywho, I'm hoping to get this house somewhat clean. I started with the kitchen today and got frustrated. I'm really tired of cleaning this house over and over and over again. I got most of the kitchen clean but didn't get the floors as clean as I wanted to. I did manage to get my room clean and all my laundry done. Hopefully tomorrow will be more productive. We need to get this house put together so AJ can crawl around safely.

Well, that's my soapbox for the day. Just wanted to get a post in before I got too distracted :).

Back home...

I moved back home today.. well tonight actually. I went and babysat Corbin, Davis, Anne Mae, and Jack this evening and since it's only 15 minutes from home I just went ahead and moved back here. Mom will be coming home tomorrow morning. Anywho, I really missed those kids! I haven't babysat them in forever! Davis, Anne Mae and I all played Candy Land. Corbin and Davis also played the Wii while Anne Mae and Jack hung out with me. They were great and seemed really excited to have me there. Anne Mae and Jack took turns sitting in my lap. And all the boys got to experience the webcam! Lol. They thought it was AWESOME. Jack would see the person I was talking to and wake and yell "hiiii" lol it was cute.

My appetite is back! I've hungry most of the evening lol. We don't have much food here at the house though so my options are limited. I'm hoping to go see a movie with Ryan tomorrow and I have a lot of cleaning I need to catch up on too. But until then, I'm going to find something to watch on TV.

That's my soapbox for the day. Night!

New name! New Look!

If you didn't notice well then shame on you! I finally decided what I actually wanted to call my blog... and its only taken me 7 months lol! Since I end pretty much every post in "that's my soapbox for the day" I decided to stick that in my name. Also, I'm southern so there ya go we have a Southern Soapbox :)... MY Southern Soapbox :D I also decided to change the picture since it is no longer winter... then got bored and changed the whole thing! lol

So I FINALLY went to sleep some where around 5am this morning... well yesterday morning. I woke up and helped Mom get the dogs back to the house. We're leaving the house we've been house sitting tomorrow/Saturday morning. It's a bitter sweet thing. On one hand we have an awesome pool here and I'm really close to Ryan.. on the other hand... it's not home and I miss my bed. Anywho, my mood has apparently stabilized for the time being. I was pretty much in a good mood all day. YAY. I'm sure everyone has appreciated it. Although I have noticed that my appetite is GONE. Let's see Wednesday I ate Chick-fil-a and 1:30pm.... ate a bagal at midnight-ish. Not because I was actually hungry, just because I knew I had to eat. Then I didn't eat again until about 3:30pm on Thursday. Again.. not hungry just knew I needed to eat. Is that normal? Or is it something else? Who knows....

Well that's my soapbox for the day :)

Black Dog Day

As Winston Churchill would say, I'm having a black dog day. Well really I don't know that I would confine it just to one day, maybe the last few days. I don't know that I would say I'm depressed, probably more just moody. One minute I'm happy and fine and the next minute, not so fine. Sometimes I don't want to be touched, even by Ryan(which is odd) and then a few minutes later all I want to do is lay in his arms. It's hard to tell how much of this is just me being a female or if it's actually my fibromyalgia talking. I've gotten pretty good at putting on a happy face, I do it pretty much every day. Pretending I'm not tired or not in pain.

People ask me "how are you?" and usually the first thing I WANT to say, if I were being honest, is "tired." Everytime, no matter what time of the day, my answer will be tired. Of course they say "well get more sleep". If only it were that simple. People don't realize how much energy it takes for us to operate on a daily basis. I don't even realize it until I sit down and think. We are tired starting out our day because we don't actually get a restful sleep. So we are already tired, and now we have to get up, put on a happy face and go about our day lying to everyone, including sometimes ourselves. We tell people that we are doing great and we spend energy making them believe us. We make them believe that we slept wonderfully the night before and that our hands, shoulders, backs, necks, knees, hips, and feet are BEGGING us to sit down just for a few minutes. Do you know how exhausting it is to pretend that you aren't in pain and aren't tired ALL day? Then we have the days where we really want nothing more than to sit at home and feel sorry for ourselves, or at least I do. But we have to go to work or school or just see our family members and pretend that everything is OK. Now people wonder why I feel the need to pretend everything is OK. Would you want to hang around a 19 year old that complains about being tired and hurting all day every day? No, you wouldn't. I sure as heck don't want to listen to myself complain about it all day. It gets old, quickly.

So I am guilty. I have probably lied to every single person that I talk to. I have told you that I am doing great, when really all I want to do is go to sleep and stop hurting. I have told you I am great, when really, I am using all of my energy to keep it together just long enough for me to go home and write on this blog about how much my day sucked and then cry about it afterwards.

I bet you didn't expect me to post two threads in less than 24 hours! Well, that's my soapbox for now. Good night :)

Fourth Of July!

Yes I know it's been a while. I haven't really been all that busy but still haven't found the time to get on here lol. It's hard to write about your life when you don't really have one. Anywho, I have been house sitting for some friends for about a month now. It's really nice because they have a pool and live really close to Ryan(rather than an hour drive to see him it's only 15-20 minutes). Due to the summer I have been in short supply of work which really sucks. I hate not having anything to do.

The 4th of July, in my family is always a big occasion. We grill, ride horses, play games and shoot off our own fireworks. Sadly, we didn't go to Mississippi for this 4th of July because we were house sitting so I planned a little party instead. My mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law, nephew, boyfriend, 2 friends and one of the friends new girlfriend were all going to come over for a cook out, swimming and fireworks. Well my sister, brother-in-law and nephew ended up doing something else and then one of my friends backed out last minute too so the whole party thing was totally bust. We grilled anyways and played a few games. Once dusk hit I began trying to see where the fireworks would come from. Needless to say, I never saw any fireworks. Fourth Of July was pretty disappointing to say the least. Now we have a ton of food leftover because everyone waited until the last minute to cancel.

On a different note, I haven't really had any flare ups lately. I've been really tired though. I slept 13 hours the night before last. My sleep schedule is totally screwed up because I have no reason to wake up in the morning so I just sleep. One of the downsides to summer I suppose.

Well, that's my soapbox for the day. Have a good one!

Longggg walk!

Today wasn't such a horrible day. I am feeling a little burnt out from being sick and being busy last week with VBS but that's nothing new. I woke up this morning and went to my mom's church to help with THEIR VBS, because apparently last weeks VBS wasn't enough for me lol. We went to Chick Fil A and ate lunch with some friends which was really nice. I came home and did some laundry and cleaned out my closet. Tomorrow I have to clean out the litter box and vacuum.

My MAJOR accomplishment for today was Rebel and I went for a 3 mile walk. According to the app on my phone we averaged about 3.6 MPH for the walk which is a pretty brisk pace. Rebel did EXTREMELY well, especially since there were a lot of other people walking their dogs. He didn't lunge at any of them, as a matter of fact, he, for the most part, ignored them all! I am very proud of him! As for me, I thought I did pretty well seeing as how I don't walk on a regular basis. At about 1.5 miles my knees and ankles were getting pretty sore but I figure if I don't do things because it hurts then I would never get anything done. And besides, pain is weakness leaving the body, right? :P

Tomorrow I am going to help Mom at VBS again because she will also be babysitting my nephew, AJ. He is getting SO big! He is trying to crawl :(. After VBS Mom and I are moving to a friend of ours house to house sit for A MONTH! I'm really excited because they have a pool. We will also be taking Rebel and Martin (the dogs) with us so hopefully Rebel and I will get to go on another nice walk. We shall see how badly my body is aching lol.

Well I'm beat, gunna go watch TV until I fall asleep! Night :)

Nineteen with an incurable disease *CAUTION* this post(and probably a lot to follow) contain a lot of complaints

So, I have warned you in the title, I am in the mood to complain and I feel like I have a right.

I am nineteen years old and I have an incurable disease-- Fibromyalgia. For many of you who don't know Fibro is a disease that causes widespread, chronic pain to your muscles and joints along with many other symptoms and I was diagnosed with this disease when I was 16 years old. 16 is VERY young to be diagnosed with fibro as it is most commonly seen in women between the ages of 25 and 60 but here I sit. Lucky me right? When I was first diagnosed I didn't really think that my life would be altered that greatly but as I have gotten older (a whopping three years older!) I have quickly realized that life does change. Running, at least for long distances, is out of the question and walking for more than a few miles is challenging. My shoulders and neck constantly hurt and I am always tired. I try REALLY hard not to let my disease run my life but the reality is, sometimes it does. I wake up every morning, tired. All I want to do ALL day is go to sleep and when the time comes to go to bed, I can't go to sleep. Doctors can't seem to figure out the right combination of medication that will help me and quite frankly, I'm tired of them trying.

My mom also has fibromyalgia and while it's nice to have someone to talk to, it is also a constant reminder of what's to come. My mom used to LOVE playing basketball and baseball and now sometimes she can't even pick up a pen to write a check. She loves to read and cross stitch but her hands hurt so badly she can't turn the page or hold a needle. I'm terrified that someday, that will be my life. I am terrified that I won't be able to play catch with my kids or teach them how to ride horses (a sport that I LOVE). My mom was diagnosed when I was in middle school and has been living with fibromyalgia for about eight years. In eight years I will be 28. When I am 28, will I be in too much pain to read a book? It's a reality that eventually, ready or not, I will have to face.

Today, I helped with Vacation Bible School and after herding kids (which is much like herding cats) and standing in the hot sun I am COMPLETELY wiped out, but my day is not yet finished. In a few hours I am going to a Rough Riders baseball game with my family. I was looking forward to it and still am but I am SO tired!

Anywho... that's my soapbox... thanks for enduring my rants :)