Thursday, June 9, 2011

Nineteen with an incurable disease *CAUTION* this post(and probably a lot to follow) contain a lot of complaints

So, I have warned you in the title, I am in the mood to complain and I feel like I have a right.

I am nineteen years old and I have an incurable disease-- Fibromyalgia. For many of you who don't know Fibro is a disease that causes widespread, chronic pain to your muscles and joints along with many other symptoms and I was diagnosed with this disease when I was 16 years old. 16 is VERY young to be diagnosed with fibro as it is most commonly seen in women between the ages of 25 and 60 but here I sit. Lucky me right? When I was first diagnosed I didn't really think that my life would be altered that greatly but as I have gotten older (a whopping three years older!) I have quickly realized that life does change. Running, at least for long distances, is out of the question and walking for more than a few miles is challenging. My shoulders and neck constantly hurt and I am always tired. I try REALLY hard not to let my disease run my life but the reality is, sometimes it does. I wake up every morning, tired. All I want to do ALL day is go to sleep and when the time comes to go to bed, I can't go to sleep. Doctors can't seem to figure out the right combination of medication that will help me and quite frankly, I'm tired of them trying.

My mom also has fibromyalgia and while it's nice to have someone to talk to, it is also a constant reminder of what's to come. My mom used to LOVE playing basketball and baseball and now sometimes she can't even pick up a pen to write a check. She loves to read and cross stitch but her hands hurt so badly she can't turn the page or hold a needle. I'm terrified that someday, that will be my life. I am terrified that I won't be able to play catch with my kids or teach them how to ride horses (a sport that I LOVE). My mom was diagnosed when I was in middle school and has been living with fibromyalgia for about eight years. In eight years I will be 28. When I am 28, will I be in too much pain to read a book? It's a reality that eventually, ready or not, I will have to face.

Today, I helped with Vacation Bible School and after herding kids (which is much like herding cats) and standing in the hot sun I am COMPLETELY wiped out, but my day is not yet finished. In a few hours I am going to a Rough Riders baseball game with my family. I was looking forward to it and still am but I am SO tired!

Anywho... that's my soapbox... thanks for enduring my rants :)

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