If you didn't notice well then shame on you! I finally decided what I actually wanted to call my blog... and its only taken me 7 months lol! Since I end pretty much every post in "that's my soapbox for the day" I decided to stick that in my name. Also, I'm southern so there ya go we have a Southern Soapbox :)... MY Southern Soapbox :D I also decided to change the picture since it is no longer winter... then got bored and changed the whole thing! lol
So I FINALLY went to sleep some where around 5am this morning... well yesterday morning. I woke up and helped Mom get the dogs back to the house. We're leaving the house we've been house sitting tomorrow/Saturday morning. It's a bitter sweet thing. On one hand we have an awesome pool here and I'm really close to Ryan.. on the other hand... it's not home and I miss my bed. Anywho, my mood has apparently stabilized for the time being. I was pretty much in a good mood all day. YAY. I'm sure everyone has appreciated it. Although I have noticed that my appetite is GONE. Let's see Wednesday I ate Chick-fil-a and 1:30pm.... ate a bagal at midnight-ish. Not because I was actually hungry, just because I knew I had to eat. Then I didn't eat again until about 3:30pm on Thursday. Again.. not hungry just knew I needed to eat. Is that normal? Or is it something else? Who knows....
Well that's my soapbox for the day :)
Friday, July 8, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Black Dog Day
As Winston Churchill would say, I'm having a black dog day. Well really I don't know that I would confine it just to one day, maybe the last few days. I don't know that I would say I'm depressed, probably more just moody. One minute I'm happy and fine and the next minute, not so fine. Sometimes I don't want to be touched, even by Ryan(which is odd) and then a few minutes later all I want to do is lay in his arms. It's hard to tell how much of this is just me being a female or if it's actually my fibromyalgia talking. I've gotten pretty good at putting on a happy face, I do it pretty much every day. Pretending I'm not tired or not in pain.
People ask me "how are you?" and usually the first thing I WANT to say, if I were being honest, is "tired." Everytime, no matter what time of the day, my answer will be tired. Of course they say "well get more sleep". If only it were that simple. People don't realize how much energy it takes for us to operate on a daily basis. I don't even realize it until I sit down and think. We are tired starting out our day because we don't actually get a restful sleep. So we are already tired, and now we have to get up, put on a happy face and go about our day lying to everyone, including sometimes ourselves. We tell people that we are doing great and we spend energy making them believe us. We make them believe that we slept wonderfully the night before and that our hands, shoulders, backs, necks, knees, hips, and feet are BEGGING us to sit down just for a few minutes. Do you know how exhausting it is to pretend that you aren't in pain and aren't tired ALL day? Then we have the days where we really want nothing more than to sit at home and feel sorry for ourselves, or at least I do. But we have to go to work or school or just see our family members and pretend that everything is OK. Now people wonder why I feel the need to pretend everything is OK. Would you want to hang around a 19 year old that complains about being tired and hurting all day every day? No, you wouldn't. I sure as heck don't want to listen to myself complain about it all day. It gets old, quickly.
So I am guilty. I have probably lied to every single person that I talk to. I have told you that I am doing great, when really all I want to do is go to sleep and stop hurting. I have told you I am great, when really, I am using all of my energy to keep it together just long enough for me to go home and write on this blog about how much my day sucked and then cry about it afterwards.
I bet you didn't expect me to post two threads in less than 24 hours! Well, that's my soapbox for now. Good night :)
People ask me "how are you?" and usually the first thing I WANT to say, if I were being honest, is "tired." Everytime, no matter what time of the day, my answer will be tired. Of course they say "well get more sleep". If only it were that simple. People don't realize how much energy it takes for us to operate on a daily basis. I don't even realize it until I sit down and think. We are tired starting out our day because we don't actually get a restful sleep. So we are already tired, and now we have to get up, put on a happy face and go about our day lying to everyone, including sometimes ourselves. We tell people that we are doing great and we spend energy making them believe us. We make them believe that we slept wonderfully the night before and that our hands, shoulders, backs, necks, knees, hips, and feet are BEGGING us to sit down just for a few minutes. Do you know how exhausting it is to pretend that you aren't in pain and aren't tired ALL day? Then we have the days where we really want nothing more than to sit at home and feel sorry for ourselves, or at least I do. But we have to go to work or school or just see our family members and pretend that everything is OK. Now people wonder why I feel the need to pretend everything is OK. Would you want to hang around a 19 year old that complains about being tired and hurting all day every day? No, you wouldn't. I sure as heck don't want to listen to myself complain about it all day. It gets old, quickly.
So I am guilty. I have probably lied to every single person that I talk to. I have told you that I am doing great, when really all I want to do is go to sleep and stop hurting. I have told you I am great, when really, I am using all of my energy to keep it together just long enough for me to go home and write on this blog about how much my day sucked and then cry about it afterwards.
I bet you didn't expect me to post two threads in less than 24 hours! Well, that's my soapbox for now. Good night :)
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Fourth Of July!
Yes I know it's been a while. I haven't really been all that busy but still haven't found the time to get on here lol. It's hard to write about your life when you don't really have one. Anywho, I have been house sitting for some friends for about a month now. It's really nice because they have a pool and live really close to Ryan(rather than an hour drive to see him it's only 15-20 minutes). Due to the summer I have been in short supply of work which really sucks. I hate not having anything to do.
The 4th of July, in my family is always a big occasion. We grill, ride horses, play games and shoot off our own fireworks. Sadly, we didn't go to Mississippi for this 4th of July because we were house sitting so I planned a little party instead. My mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law, nephew, boyfriend, 2 friends and one of the friends new girlfriend were all going to come over for a cook out, swimming and fireworks. Well my sister, brother-in-law and nephew ended up doing something else and then one of my friends backed out last minute too so the whole party thing was totally bust. We grilled anyways and played a few games. Once dusk hit I began trying to see where the fireworks would come from. Needless to say, I never saw any fireworks. Fourth Of July was pretty disappointing to say the least. Now we have a ton of food leftover because everyone waited until the last minute to cancel.
On a different note, I haven't really had any flare ups lately. I've been really tired though. I slept 13 hours the night before last. My sleep schedule is totally screwed up because I have no reason to wake up in the morning so I just sleep. One of the downsides to summer I suppose.
Well, that's my soapbox for the day. Have a good one!
The 4th of July, in my family is always a big occasion. We grill, ride horses, play games and shoot off our own fireworks. Sadly, we didn't go to Mississippi for this 4th of July because we were house sitting so I planned a little party instead. My mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law, nephew, boyfriend, 2 friends and one of the friends new girlfriend were all going to come over for a cook out, swimming and fireworks. Well my sister, brother-in-law and nephew ended up doing something else and then one of my friends backed out last minute too so the whole party thing was totally bust. We grilled anyways and played a few games. Once dusk hit I began trying to see where the fireworks would come from. Needless to say, I never saw any fireworks. Fourth Of July was pretty disappointing to say the least. Now we have a ton of food leftover because everyone waited until the last minute to cancel.
On a different note, I haven't really had any flare ups lately. I've been really tired though. I slept 13 hours the night before last. My sleep schedule is totally screwed up because I have no reason to wake up in the morning so I just sleep. One of the downsides to summer I suppose.
Well, that's my soapbox for the day. Have a good one!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Longggg walk!
Today wasn't such a horrible day. I am feeling a little burnt out from being sick and being busy last week with VBS but that's nothing new. I woke up this morning and went to my mom's church to help with THEIR VBS, because apparently last weeks VBS wasn't enough for me lol. We went to Chick Fil A and ate lunch with some friends which was really nice. I came home and did some laundry and cleaned out my closet. Tomorrow I have to clean out the litter box and vacuum.
My MAJOR accomplishment for today was Rebel and I went for a 3 mile walk. According to the app on my phone we averaged about 3.6 MPH for the walk which is a pretty brisk pace. Rebel did EXTREMELY well, especially since there were a lot of other people walking their dogs. He didn't lunge at any of them, as a matter of fact, he, for the most part, ignored them all! I am very proud of him! As for me, I thought I did pretty well seeing as how I don't walk on a regular basis. At about 1.5 miles my knees and ankles were getting pretty sore but I figure if I don't do things because it hurts then I would never get anything done. And besides, pain is weakness leaving the body, right? :P
Tomorrow I am going to help Mom at VBS again because she will also be babysitting my nephew, AJ. He is getting SO big! He is trying to crawl :(. After VBS Mom and I are moving to a friend of ours house to house sit for A MONTH! I'm really excited because they have a pool. We will also be taking Rebel and Martin (the dogs) with us so hopefully Rebel and I will get to go on another nice walk. We shall see how badly my body is aching lol.
Well I'm beat, gunna go watch TV until I fall asleep! Night :)
My MAJOR accomplishment for today was Rebel and I went for a 3 mile walk. According to the app on my phone we averaged about 3.6 MPH for the walk which is a pretty brisk pace. Rebel did EXTREMELY well, especially since there were a lot of other people walking their dogs. He didn't lunge at any of them, as a matter of fact, he, for the most part, ignored them all! I am very proud of him! As for me, I thought I did pretty well seeing as how I don't walk on a regular basis. At about 1.5 miles my knees and ankles were getting pretty sore but I figure if I don't do things because it hurts then I would never get anything done. And besides, pain is weakness leaving the body, right? :P
Tomorrow I am going to help Mom at VBS again because she will also be babysitting my nephew, AJ. He is getting SO big! He is trying to crawl :(. After VBS Mom and I are moving to a friend of ours house to house sit for A MONTH! I'm really excited because they have a pool. We will also be taking Rebel and Martin (the dogs) with us so hopefully Rebel and I will get to go on another nice walk. We shall see how badly my body is aching lol.
Well I'm beat, gunna go watch TV until I fall asleep! Night :)
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Nineteen with an incurable disease *CAUTION* this post(and probably a lot to follow) contain a lot of complaints
So, I have warned you in the title, I am in the mood to complain and I feel like I have a right.
I am nineteen years old and I have an incurable disease-- Fibromyalgia. For many of you who don't know Fibro is a disease that causes widespread, chronic pain to your muscles and joints along with many other symptoms and I was diagnosed with this disease when I was 16 years old. 16 is VERY young to be diagnosed with fibro as it is most commonly seen in women between the ages of 25 and 60 but here I sit. Lucky me right? When I was first diagnosed I didn't really think that my life would be altered that greatly but as I have gotten older (a whopping three years older!) I have quickly realized that life does change. Running, at least for long distances, is out of the question and walking for more than a few miles is challenging. My shoulders and neck constantly hurt and I am always tired. I try REALLY hard not to let my disease run my life but the reality is, sometimes it does. I wake up every morning, tired. All I want to do ALL day is go to sleep and when the time comes to go to bed, I can't go to sleep. Doctors can't seem to figure out the right combination of medication that will help me and quite frankly, I'm tired of them trying.
My mom also has fibromyalgia and while it's nice to have someone to talk to, it is also a constant reminder of what's to come. My mom used to LOVE playing basketball and baseball and now sometimes she can't even pick up a pen to write a check. She loves to read and cross stitch but her hands hurt so badly she can't turn the page or hold a needle. I'm terrified that someday, that will be my life. I am terrified that I won't be able to play catch with my kids or teach them how to ride horses (a sport that I LOVE). My mom was diagnosed when I was in middle school and has been living with fibromyalgia for about eight years. In eight years I will be 28. When I am 28, will I be in too much pain to read a book? It's a reality that eventually, ready or not, I will have to face.
Today, I helped with Vacation Bible School and after herding kids (which is much like herding cats) and standing in the hot sun I am COMPLETELY wiped out, but my day is not yet finished. In a few hours I am going to a Rough Riders baseball game with my family. I was looking forward to it and still am but I am SO tired!
Anywho... that's my soapbox... thanks for enduring my rants :)
I am nineteen years old and I have an incurable disease-- Fibromyalgia. For many of you who don't know Fibro is a disease that causes widespread, chronic pain to your muscles and joints along with many other symptoms and I was diagnosed with this disease when I was 16 years old. 16 is VERY young to be diagnosed with fibro as it is most commonly seen in women between the ages of 25 and 60 but here I sit. Lucky me right? When I was first diagnosed I didn't really think that my life would be altered that greatly but as I have gotten older (a whopping three years older!) I have quickly realized that life does change. Running, at least for long distances, is out of the question and walking for more than a few miles is challenging. My shoulders and neck constantly hurt and I am always tired. I try REALLY hard not to let my disease run my life but the reality is, sometimes it does. I wake up every morning, tired. All I want to do ALL day is go to sleep and when the time comes to go to bed, I can't go to sleep. Doctors can't seem to figure out the right combination of medication that will help me and quite frankly, I'm tired of them trying.
My mom also has fibromyalgia and while it's nice to have someone to talk to, it is also a constant reminder of what's to come. My mom used to LOVE playing basketball and baseball and now sometimes she can't even pick up a pen to write a check. She loves to read and cross stitch but her hands hurt so badly she can't turn the page or hold a needle. I'm terrified that someday, that will be my life. I am terrified that I won't be able to play catch with my kids or teach them how to ride horses (a sport that I LOVE). My mom was diagnosed when I was in middle school and has been living with fibromyalgia for about eight years. In eight years I will be 28. When I am 28, will I be in too much pain to read a book? It's a reality that eventually, ready or not, I will have to face.
Today, I helped with Vacation Bible School and after herding kids (which is much like herding cats) and standing in the hot sun I am COMPLETELY wiped out, but my day is not yet finished. In a few hours I am going to a Rough Riders baseball game with my family. I was looking forward to it and still am but I am SO tired!
Anywho... that's my soapbox... thanks for enduring my rants :)
Friday, April 29, 2011
Temporary Mommy
I am babysitting three kids for three days. Overnight. So basically I'm their temporary mom for three days. They haven't been too bad so far. Davis isn't feeling too well and Anne Mae is getting rather grumpy but other than that it has been going pretty well.
I watched the Royal Wedding with Anne Mae(3 yrs old) and she was fascinating with seeing a REAL princess. She kept saying "ohhhh she's pretty!" lol. The boys got home a little after 3:30pm and played outside but since Davis didn't feel well he came in after a little while. I made pizza for supper and have managed to survive so far! Tomorrow I have to get up and get the boys off to their baseball games. THHHEEEENNNN guess what I'm doing?! GOING TO EDGEFEST!!! I'm really excited, if you can't tell. I've never been to a concert before, which is a little depressing but anywho lol. Ryan's boss gave him free box seat tickets! My mom is going to come watch the kids and Ryan and I are going to go to edgefest!
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| The kids: Anne Mae(the little girl , bottom left), Corbin (top left) and Davis (far right) |
I watched the Royal Wedding with Anne Mae(3 yrs old) and she was fascinating with seeing a REAL princess. She kept saying "ohhhh she's pretty!" lol. The boys got home a little after 3:30pm and played outside but since Davis didn't feel well he came in after a little while. I made pizza for supper and have managed to survive so far! Tomorrow I have to get up and get the boys off to their baseball games. THHHEEEENNNN guess what I'm doing?! GOING TO EDGEFEST!!! I'm really excited, if you can't tell. I've never been to a concert before, which is a little depressing but anywho lol. Ryan's boss gave him free box seat tickets! My mom is going to come watch the kids and Ryan and I are going to go to edgefest!
Mom got me a blender and I made a black berry-strawberry smoothie. It wasn't too bad. Next time i'll need to strain it so the blackberry seeds aren't in it but other than that it was pretty good. If you look at the glass I put it in you will notice that it's the exact same glass the Red Robins (yumm) uses for their freckled lemonade. It may have jumped into my purse one time when I was there... opps :D.
Well I'll post again tomorrow with pictures from Edgefest! Night!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Busy Busy Busy!
So much has been going on and yet, not really lol. Sooo here's an update!!
MEAGAN IS HOME!!! I'm so excited to have my buddy back! We've been hanging out a lot, which is AWESOME! Unfortunately, Chris went to Afghanistan :(. Me, Ryan, Meagan, Jixer and Busa all went for a walk. Poor Jixer almost had a heat stroke. Apparently being black and walking in 80 degree weather isn't a great idea lol.
This past week my sister, Maegan's, (not to be confused with my friend Meagan) husband was out of town and poor little AJ got sick. Me, Mom and Maegan all took him to the pediatrician at 9pm lol. He had a cold and all they could do was saline suck his nose. For those of you who don't know what that entails... allow me to explain. Basically you pin the kid down squirt saline up his nose and then suck it out. Needless to say, he DID NOT like it! On the plus side, I got in lots of snuggle time with the little man!
We got new furniture today!!! Mom and Maegan went to Weirs and picked out a sofa, a chair with an ottoman and a recliner. The recliner isn't here yet because Mom had it covered in a solid beige color. The room isn't completely set up but those are pictures of the furniture!
Meagan and I are going to go on some adventures soon so I can post more stuff lol! Well I'm off to get ready to go to Texas Roadhouse!
MEAGAN IS HOME!!! I'm so excited to have my buddy back! We've been hanging out a lot, which is AWESOME! Unfortunately, Chris went to Afghanistan :(. Me, Ryan, Meagan, Jixer and Busa all went for a walk. Poor Jixer almost had a heat stroke. Apparently being black and walking in 80 degree weather isn't a great idea lol.
This past week my sister, Maegan's, (not to be confused with my friend Meagan) husband was out of town and poor little AJ got sick. Me, Mom and Maegan all took him to the pediatrician at 9pm lol. He had a cold and all they could do was saline suck his nose. For those of you who don't know what that entails... allow me to explain. Basically you pin the kid down squirt saline up his nose and then suck it out. Needless to say, he DID NOT like it! On the plus side, I got in lots of snuggle time with the little man!
I decided that I wanted to go to the Farmer's Market this past weekend so me, Mom, Dad, Maegan, AJ, and Ryan all went. Meagan was supposed to go but she had to do homework :(. We got a ton of strawberries so Mom can make strawberry jam!! We also got green beans and some really yummy balsamic vinegar dressings! They had a bunch of different flavors but we ended up getting the apple and peach. Mom used the apple to marinate some pork chops which turned out AMAZING! After we bought all of our stuff Maegan and I decided that we had to have some ice cream to cool off.
We got new furniture today!!! Mom and Maegan went to Weirs and picked out a sofa, a chair with an ottoman and a recliner. The recliner isn't here yet because Mom had it covered in a solid beige color. The room isn't completely set up but those are pictures of the furniture!
Meagan and I are going to go on some adventures soon so I can post more stuff lol! Well I'm off to get ready to go to Texas Roadhouse!
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